Idea:
Eat Together!
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This month's idea is pretty
straightforward: eat together! If you don't live with
children, but know someone that does, encourage them to eat
together.
And if skeptical about the merits of
eating together, or simply unsure about how to go about doing it, read
on. Otherwise, head to the table with the confidence of a calling.
Why?
A swath of recent studies argue that,
"in addition to better dietary intake, including eating more fruit and
vegetables, drinking less soda pop and eating less fat", children
enjoying regular family dinners:
"also seem to have a lower risk of
developing eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. They're less
likely to be overweight. They perform better in school and are less
apt to engage in risky behaviors such as taking drugs, drinking
alcohol, smoking cigarettes or engaging in sex." (Minneapolis Star-Tribune, 6/6/07)
But, acknowledging that studies like
this are only correlational and that the value of this simple ritual
cannot, finally, be quantified, Cameron Stracher, author of
Dinner With Dad:
How One Man Braved Traffic,
Battled Picky Eaters, and Found His Way Back to the Family Table,
writes:
In missing the family dinner, we
fathers are missing a large portion of our children's lives, the part
they are living right now. Without dinner as a touchstone, it is so
much easier to let the rest of the day slip away as well. How soon
before our children are grown and out of the house, the family table a
forgotten memory? How soon before they do not miss us at all? They may
recover just fine, but we may not.
Here is the reason, then, to come to
the table: Your daughter, 7 years old, two hands grasping a glass as
she raises it to her lips. "Daddy," she asks, "Why is milk white?"
The answer is just an arm's length away. (New York Times Op-Ed, 6/17/07)
How?
Miriam Weinstein, author of
The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating
Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier, and Happier,
offers the
following practical tips for getting started on the book's companion Web
site:
www.poweroffamilymeals.com.
Basic Tips
- Make your expectations clear about
the time and frequency of family meals.
- Tell your family why you expect
their presence (because it's important for us to see each other
regularly…because I care about you…because we're all part of the
family "team"…)
- Provide meals that make it worth
coming to the table. They don't have to be elaborate — just tasty,
balanced and pleasant. The occasion is more important than the menu.
- If every family member can't make it
to every meal, it's still important to get together.
- Enlist everyone's help. It makes
less work for you, and lets everybody feel part of the event. Kids
even learn useful skills and work habits.
- Don't give up on teenagers. It's
their job to assert their independence; it's your job to let them know
they are still part of the family.
- If supper is impossible, try a
late-night dessert get-together. If weekdays are jammed, set aside
Saturday breakfast, or Sunday supper. Figure out what works best in
your household.
- Start small, but stick with it.
Conversation Tips
- Keep the talk age-appropriate. Or,
if you’re discussing something above your children’s heads, give them
a sense of what it’s about.
- Listen respectfully. Make sure
everyone has a chance to speak. Some families have a special object
they hand around to show whose turn it is.
- Keep questions open-ended. Be
encouraging, not judgmental. Still, for some kids, what did you do
today is just too broad. For them, the term is scaffolding: offer a
structure so they can build an answer. (Who did you play with at
recess? What was a funny thing that happened? Did you get caught in
that rainstorm?) Ask them about their friends, their activities, their
interests.
- Give little kids a break if they
need it. Let them help clear between courses (carrying something
unbreakable) or ask them to bring something from the kitchen that you
“forgot.” Then, after they finish their job, thank them and let them
know it’s time to sit down again.
- Try simple games like Boiler Burst.
One person starts a story. Then, when he’s had enough, or after a set
time limit, he says, “And then the boiler burst,” and the next person
continues the tale. Older kids like to discuss hypotheticals: take a
story from the news and ask “what would you do”?
- Set expectations. For example, We
all stay at the table until everyone’s finished. Then people are more
likely to sit and talk.
Visit
www.poweroffamilymeals.com for more resources.
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